I was one of the only Christians in my circle of friends when I was in high school. My faith was widely respected, and I was never really pressed to compromise my beliefs, for which I am thankful. I took advantage of my acceptance by being what salt and light I could to my unsaved friends. One day one of the guys I was deeply burdened for invited me over to watch a movie. "I want to show you what I think the truth about Christianity is." The movie was Dogma.
For those who do not know the plot line, Dogma is a fantasy story about two angels who were kicked out of heaven and condemned to live on earth by God Loki, the angel of death, was so disturbed by his God-given mission to wipe out the firstborn of Egypt that he, at the urging of his friend Bartleby after going out for a "post-slaughter drink" walked into the throne room, "gave God the finger" and quit. After millenia on earth they have found a loophole in God's decree. A church is celebrating its centennial, and by Catholic dogma, anyone who passes through the archway will be absolved. Al they have to do then is cut their wings off to become mortal, be killed, and they can re-enter heaven. God has been incapacitated and trapped in human form, so she (yes, in the movie, God is a woman) cannot stop them. Thus the powers of heaven, including the Metatron (the voice of God), the black thirteenth apostle (who was left out of the Bible because the early church fathers were racist) and a muse (working as a stripper) team up with two prophets (stoners completely preoccupied with sex) and the Last Scion (the great-great-times-a-lot grand niece of Jesus Christ - a nurse working at an abortion clinic who has completely lost her faith) set out to stop the angels and find God.
My still tender innocence and naivete was so horrified by the gross excess of vulgarity and misrepresentation and perversion of truth in the film that I never did get the chance to actually discuss Dogma with my friend. I am a bit embarrassed to admit now how badly my "tender sensibilities" were offended. My initial reaction, though the disclaimer at the beginning of the movie states that it is meant for fun and to be enjoyed as a fantasy, was to loathe it. On one hand I still do for the same reasons.
My most severe grievance I have with the film is that it is postmodern at its core. The church the film mocks embraces postmodernism in retiring the crucifix as its symbol for Jesus did not come to "depress" us. They exchange the cross for the "buddy Jesus," a winking, thumbs-up, ridiculous manifestation of the One to be revered on his high and holy throne. In not wanting to be offensive the church sacrifices the crux of the gospel: atonement. Christianity is not supposed to feel good for Christ came to bring the sword.
In a conversation Rufus (the thirteenth apostle) has with Bethany (the descendant of Jesus' brother or sister), the apostle states that what gets on God's nerves is church factions: "denominations are self-righteous because it doesn't matter what you have faith in. It only matters that you have faith." They go on to dialogue about how God does not really wan humans o have beliefs that we rigidly cling to, but stick to ideas. The removal of the acknowledgment of absolute truth, right and wrong, the "anything goes" mentality is ever the destruction of humanity. "And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them." (Romans 1:28-32) There is Truth, and it is found in the Man, Jesus Christ. At the end of the film Rufus asks Bethany, "are you saying you believe." "No, but I have an idea," she replies. Even after all she has seen she will not take a firm stance. This is a direct contradiction to the admonishment we find in Scripture to be alive (either hot or cold). If our works (which follow what we think) are lukewarm they are deemed dead and incomplete by God, completely without use (Revelation 3).
Though I could not stand the film it stuck with me for years. As I grew in my faith and matured as a woman of God certain things kept returning to my mind. While in conversation with friends about the modern corporate church or while pondering what doctrine God truly deemed important my mind would wander back to Dogma, and I began to wonder... Could there be some small piece of pure metal amidst all the dross?
I imagine God does indeed find much of what we as human being place import on wearisome. James 1:27 says "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of God our Father is this: to visit the orphans and widows in their affliction and to remain unstained by the world." In the city I live in there is a church on every corner, yet there is still so much need unmet in our tiny corner of the world. I hear conservative Christians rail against welfare, yet I find no one to blame but ourselves, for if we as the body of Christ took care of those around us, the government would not have to. Yet we are more preoccupied with making ourselves feel good and holy instead of serving those around us.
The film demonstrates the fact that when humans cling to superfluous details we loose sight of what is truly important to God. This is truth. Granted, what the film deems important to God does not hold fall in line with the truths of Scripture. It does show that clinging to unimportant details keeps us from the basics of Christianity: to show love as we are in the world.
In addition Dogma draws into light the fact that God extends to human beings infinite mercy and grace, yet we as a whole deny Him and wallow in unrighteousness. This again is a truth. Unfortunately it contradicts itself by refusing to define righteousness and unrighteousness. Though as previously discussed the film quite adequately portrays that servants of God should show love in the world, they miss entirely the second part of Christ's admonition to not be of the world.
In conclusion, I do believe that it is vital to know the pillars of the faith, the foundation on which we stand in the mire that is the world. I also know that I cannot find and will not recommend entertainment and enjoyment from a film that so degrades holy truths of Scripture. I did however find some measure of truth from this unlikely source. Oddly enough, it urges my spirit to live righteously, in the world, but not of it, so that I may serve as Jesus did and the world can find no fault with me, no hypocrisy, but substance and love.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Judge, Jury and Executioner
Why do we cheer the vigilante? Most people in America have grown up with comic book heroes as their faerie stories, fables, myths. I hope my sons ask me to sew a big red "S" on their blue T-shirts or tie my black bathroom towels around their necks and build a bat-cave in the backyard. It is my belief that children love these heroes because they want to perform the daring deeds; and, let's face it, the feel of the wind tugging the towel behind you is thrilling (this I know from my escapades as Diana Prince (...Wonder Woman, for those of you who had the misfortune to grow up uneducated about the comic book universe...). As adults I think the reason we love these heroes still is because they fight for justice in an unjust world, right the wrongs done by a corrupt and flawed system. Yet, they remain fantastic, outside the realm of plausible possibility.
What do vigilantes look like when they cross into plausible possibility? I began to really ponder this question when, a few months ago at the urging of one whose artistic savvy I greatly admire urged me to watch Boondock Saints. Sinful lifestyle aside, the character I found myself closely identifying was Willem Dafoe's, the federal agent battling between his duty as a civil servant to arrest the men murdering evildoers in the name of God or his desire to see them do more "good" as vigilantes than he could as an agent by allowing them to meet out the proverbial eye for the eye to the truly wicked and debauched.
I began to wonder, if there were a sniper, unsanctioned by any government, who used his training to take out rapists, child molesters, men who traffic in human beings, would I cheer him on or call for his arrest?
Jesus Christ said, "he who is without sin, cast the first stone." Cut and dried, black and white, we as ordinary citizens are not to pass judgement on our fellows. Also in Scripture, the sword is given to government, fallible and corruptible though they may be. But when the government does nothing?
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a great man of faith, a true disciple of Christ. Many do not know that he set out to assassinate Adolf Hitler. Though I have little love for the characters of Connor and Murphy MacManus (Boondock Saints) I cannot condemn Bonhoeffer for his decision. Some people just need killing.
But where is the line drawn? In my small and uneducated wisdom I would say that when a person is globally recognized as evil any person can stand up and do the world a service, such as in Hitler's case. But in a world where truth does not exist? Where people say that ascribing words such as right and wrong is judgemental? Is it incorrect to say that radical, fundamentalist Islamists who seek to wage jihad on the rest of us until we drown in blood are evil? Pardon me for hurting the poor, murderous terrorists' feelings. Postmodern political correctness will be the death of us all.
Unless we take a stance ...and when words fail take action?
When it is permissible to be the judge, jury and executioner, if ever? If the man I love were wrongfully taken from me, or my sister brutalized, and the government did nothing am I then allowed to dole out justice? Do we wait until the judicial system fails us and then take matters into our own hands? Do we allow the governments of our postmodern world to turn a blind eye to evil while a foreign wolf begins to devour all around it? When the government lays down the sword it has been given by God, are we ever allowed to take it up? For indeed... Some people need killing.
I do not claim wisdom or knowledge. I do not know the answers to these questions. All I do know is that I as a godly woman would be compelled to live by the laws of this beloved land, even if the judicial system failed me. If another like Hitler arose I as a godly woman would pray for his death. Somewhere in the vast gulf that stretches between these degrees of evil I believe a line can be drawn.
But where ... when?
*Disclaimer: It is my belief that radical, fundamental Islam is a threat to freedom, liberty and everything good that America was founded upon. I bear no ill will towards individual Muslims. I do recognize that there are many peace loving, moderate Muslims. This opinion I express with the freedom that comes with the first amendment*
What do vigilantes look like when they cross into plausible possibility? I began to really ponder this question when, a few months ago at the urging of one whose artistic savvy I greatly admire urged me to watch Boondock Saints. Sinful lifestyle aside, the character I found myself closely identifying was Willem Dafoe's, the federal agent battling between his duty as a civil servant to arrest the men murdering evildoers in the name of God or his desire to see them do more "good" as vigilantes than he could as an agent by allowing them to meet out the proverbial eye for the eye to the truly wicked and debauched.
I began to wonder, if there were a sniper, unsanctioned by any government, who used his training to take out rapists, child molesters, men who traffic in human beings, would I cheer him on or call for his arrest?
Jesus Christ said, "he who is without sin, cast the first stone." Cut and dried, black and white, we as ordinary citizens are not to pass judgement on our fellows. Also in Scripture, the sword is given to government, fallible and corruptible though they may be. But when the government does nothing?
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a great man of faith, a true disciple of Christ. Many do not know that he set out to assassinate Adolf Hitler. Though I have little love for the characters of Connor and Murphy MacManus (Boondock Saints) I cannot condemn Bonhoeffer for his decision. Some people just need killing.
But where is the line drawn? In my small and uneducated wisdom I would say that when a person is globally recognized as evil any person can stand up and do the world a service, such as in Hitler's case. But in a world where truth does not exist? Where people say that ascribing words such as right and wrong is judgemental? Is it incorrect to say that radical, fundamentalist Islamists who seek to wage jihad on the rest of us until we drown in blood are evil? Pardon me for hurting the poor, murderous terrorists' feelings. Postmodern political correctness will be the death of us all.
Unless we take a stance ...and when words fail take action?
When it is permissible to be the judge, jury and executioner, if ever? If the man I love were wrongfully taken from me, or my sister brutalized, and the government did nothing am I then allowed to dole out justice? Do we wait until the judicial system fails us and then take matters into our own hands? Do we allow the governments of our postmodern world to turn a blind eye to evil while a foreign wolf begins to devour all around it? When the government lays down the sword it has been given by God, are we ever allowed to take it up? For indeed... Some people need killing.
I do not claim wisdom or knowledge. I do not know the answers to these questions. All I do know is that I as a godly woman would be compelled to live by the laws of this beloved land, even if the judicial system failed me. If another like Hitler arose I as a godly woman would pray for his death. Somewhere in the vast gulf that stretches between these degrees of evil I believe a line can be drawn.
But where ... when?
*Disclaimer: It is my belief that radical, fundamental Islam is a threat to freedom, liberty and everything good that America was founded upon. I bear no ill will towards individual Muslims. I do recognize that there are many peace loving, moderate Muslims. This opinion I express with the freedom that comes with the first amendment*
Monday, January 3, 2011
Drops from 2010
2010 has been and incredible year. The past several New Years I have been so discouraged because it has felt like nothing of any significance has happened, no great lessons have been learned, no great achievements have been made. December 31, 2010 segued into 2010 quietly still, but as I drifted off to sleep early on January 1, 2011 my heart overflowed with joy because of the gifts and lessons of the past year. Nothing extraordinary happened in my life, no great message from the Father was blazoned across the sky of my existence this past year, no goals were really reached, no major life changes implemented, and yet my heart was so full. These are the top ten realizations of 2010:
1. I am an artist, and there is no fear in embracing it.
2. As a daughter of the High King of heaven, I have a purpose in each day, no matter how mundane or stressful.
3. Everything in moderation
4. The Father's timing is perfect.
5. Lack of time should never be an excuse.
6. Relationships of every kind are difficult and full or hard work, but worth each tear shed, each prayer whispered in the dark and each gesture of kindness and love.
7. Though I by nature abhor confrontation, I am called to battle evil and wickedness in the world, complacency in my own heart and charged to be a loving voice of wisdom and discernment for those I call friend.
8. As long as there is a desire to grow in the Lord there will be growth.
9. Just because the feeling is not present does not mean there can not be the action that is supposed to be prompted by the absent feeling.
10. Reality is better than any dream, wish or fantasy.
Resolutions:
1. Memorize 1, 2 and 3 John.
2. Get involved in a church.
3. Finish The Guardian
4. Finish they lyrics for Destiny's Knot
5. Love more, serve more, pray more...
Blessings in 2011.
-Raine
1. I am an artist, and there is no fear in embracing it.
2. As a daughter of the High King of heaven, I have a purpose in each day, no matter how mundane or stressful.
3. Everything in moderation
4. The Father's timing is perfect.
5. Lack of time should never be an excuse.
6. Relationships of every kind are difficult and full or hard work, but worth each tear shed, each prayer whispered in the dark and each gesture of kindness and love.
7. Though I by nature abhor confrontation, I am called to battle evil and wickedness in the world, complacency in my own heart and charged to be a loving voice of wisdom and discernment for those I call friend.
8. As long as there is a desire to grow in the Lord there will be growth.
9. Just because the feeling is not present does not mean there can not be the action that is supposed to be prompted by the absent feeling.
10. Reality is better than any dream, wish or fantasy.
Resolutions:
1. Memorize 1, 2 and 3 John.
2. Get involved in a church.
3. Finish The Guardian
4. Finish they lyrics for Destiny's Knot
5. Love more, serve more, pray more...
Blessings in 2011.
-Raine
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Realistic Expectations
The advice of my mother has ever been pearls of wisdom and kernels of Truth in my life. As I have grown older I have been blessed to recognize this though I could not appreciate it in my childhood and youth. There is one thing my mother has told me many times over the years that I have found myself weighing and not entirely agreeing with: "love without expectation."
In recent years I have wrested with the question of where to draw the line between unconditional love and allowing someone to walk all over me. In any relationship under the sun there will be a level of expectation. General morality is expected of the human race (even though we live in a world that insists there is no absolute truth). Common courtesy is expected from a stranger on the street. Responsible driving is expected of cab drivers. Good customer service is expected of retail employees. Love is expected of husbands, honor of wives.
Is it wrong to have expectations? More aptly, is it wrong to have expectations in relationships? Even further, is it wrong to have expectations in romantic relationships?
My heart answers no. Moreover, I believe I my thoughts are affirmed by Scripture.
Obviously we are not to enable sin. Scripture is full of admonishments for righteous living. Granted that is an expectation that God has of human beings. Still, children are called to obey their parents. Wives are called to have a gentle and quiet spirit. Husbands are admonished to love their wives as Christ loved the church. If God has those expectations are we not supposed to as well? I believe we should love with some level of expectation. However, I do not believe our love should be contingent upon whether or not expectations are met.
The danger is unrealistic expectation. I have been in and watched relationships that become very strained and even break because of expectations that are not rational. I claim no expertise in any subject. However, as an natural head in the clouds kind of girl who forces herself to keep her feet firmly affixed to the earth (most of the time) whom God has seen fit to put through rather interesting circumstances, I do believe I have a healthier view of the neccessary marriage of romance and practicality than most of my peers. So, I have some advice to offer. Stop reading now if you do not want it.
I will start with the ladies as we started it by emasculating men. Allow me to first assure my readers that I am not some weak woman who lets men walk all over me. I have a career. I am strong. I have opinions and my voice is heard! There is a place for that, even believing, as I do, that men are to be the head in a relationship.
First, at the risk of sounding extremely hard on my own sex, to the ladies STOP BEING DEMANDING, SPOILED LITTLE PRINCESSES SO FOCUSED ON WHAT YOU WANT YOU CANNOT SEE WHAT HE NEEDS. I read romance novels. I like them. They are my guilty pleasure. They make me happy. They should come with a warning lable: "do not read if you cannot leave the fiction between the pages." News flash girls: prince charming doesn't exist in the real world. Your man is not going to be perfect. He is not going to be this profound spiritual leader as a twenty-something. He likes video games, chillin with the guys and FREEDOM. That does not mean he does not like you. Do not expect him to be your dad. If you have an incredibly romantic father, one who communicates well with your mother, a bastion of spiritual strength and integrity, ask your mom if he was like that when they were dating. I will bet she will say no. My father (affectionately known as Superman by me) was not. He is now. Realistic expectations, girls. He is in his twenties. Do not seek to kill the boy in him
Think of him as a dog. (Bear with me guys.) How do you truly domesticate a dog? Um, yeah. Do you really want to do that to your man? No!!! Let him be wild! Tame is boring. Domesticated means that you are the master. That is so not the plan that the Father laid out. If you respect an animal, feed it, give it affection, it will learn to trust you. Granted a wild animal will always be free to come and go as it pleases without so much as a by your leave, so it's not a perfect metaphor, because (guys) in marriage coming and going without so much as a by your leave is not fine, but do you get the point? Just as it must be a wild thing's choice to come to a human, so it must be the man's choice to come to a woman. Let them be free. Even in marriage freedom to maintain that masculinity needs to be there, though not abused.
That freedom offered will not be abused if both people meet one another with one hundred percent. Girls, if the things that men crave, respect, admiration, and love are given, he will always return to you. And he will be faithful to you. (Unless he is a complete sociopath or ... a dog. :) Trust your daddies to keep you away from those.)
Are we clear? Knights in shinning armor spend no time on the battlefield. You want a man who is willing to get his armor muddy. A man that will bleed. The type of man most girls tell me they want sound horrifying to me. The nineteenth century had a term for them: fops. *shudder* They are the men you see pcitures of in high heels wearing powdered wigs and sniffing tobacco out of snuff boxes. Put that guy next to a warrior dripping blood off his claymore. Which one do you want? If you want the former go pick a spineless idiot that wants to get married solely so he can have sex and does not care about companionship, building a life together. No no, you want a man that will fight for what he wants, and that is, well, the one wearing the pants (... or kilt with blue warpaint ... if you're me). Oh, and just so we are clear, that warrior we really want? He fought so well and so vailiantly because he had something worth fighting for. Let us be blunt: he cares about sex too, but he is not a selfish epicurian. He cares about the nonphysical pleasures as well.
Secondly, if you are the type of girl that reads nothing but Christian romance novels please do us all a favor and take a look at reality. The kind, gentle man that has a wound only you (with the help of a well placed sermon) can heal is a myth jsut as much as the guys in romantic comedies. He does not know how to read you and know exactly what you need. Obvious hints do not work with them. Sometimes you have to spell it out. There is nothing wrong with saying, "babe, I need to hear something sweet. I am feeling a little vulnerable." They are not mind readers.
Men think they are so uncomplicated. They are not. They are so complex YOU CANNOT AND WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIX THEM. You can be their life's best companion. You can help them. You can be the balm that soothes them. You can be the tool the Spirit uses to comfort and sustain them. You cannot fix them. And do not be offended if they need to talk things over with their guys. That is a good thing. Accountability and deep masculine friendships are important. (David and Jonathan ring any bells? John and Jesus? Yeah...) Men are sometimes more deeply emotional than women. That is so precious, and they will share that part with you, but it will take time. There will be no trigger that flips and all of a sudden he will bare his soul to you. That trust is earned. Be patient. It will be worth it.
Be willing to wait. All throughout the Bible we see woman waiting for their men. The church waits for her bridegroom, and we are to follow suit. I know girls, we long for marriage, love, knowing that he will be there until death. It is especially hard for the godly girls who want to take their rightful place under the protection of their husband. I know it is hard. I was raised thinking I would go from my father's household to my husbands, but life (especially in this wonderfully postmodern century we live in) happens. I had to move away, get a job, be independant. A part of me really enjoys it and likes it, but it does not content my soul. I know it is hard to wait. But that is what we are called to do. Doesn't fourty years with God's best sound better than fifty-five with a man you are only OK with? Do you really want your husband to resent you for pushing you into a responsibility that he is not ready for? Think about all the pressure on godly men! They are to be our shield, our protector, the head of a next godly household, the provider. It is harder than it used to be. There are so many more variables. Be patient. Wait. Content yourself in He who created us to be not spoiled, demanding princesses, but gracious, unselfish daughters of the High King of Heaven.
Lastly, do not let yourself go. Daddy drilled many things into his daughters. One thing that has always stuck with me is "be an after, stay an after." He is referencing before and after shots. Girls lose a ton of weight before their wedding, dress up for dates, look their best whenever they are with their man. For some reason that stops after you have a shiny ring on your hand? No! Do you always have to look perfect? That would be an unrealistic expectation. But you can care. Do not let yourself go. At one point my mom had four kids under the age of six: twins (one handicapped), a one year old and an infant. Unless she was doing housework she looked nice, wore make-up and jewelry, and yes, she shaved her legs every night. Go Mom! Dad adores her to this day. It's not superficial, ladies. Guys are wired that way. Take it up with God if it irritates you.
Men ... Oh how you have been wronged, my brothers. I look around and see the damaget that has been wrought on your sex. You are robbed of your identity, my brothers. I know this. I listen to the men I regard as brothers of my heart pour out stories of hurt and confusion. Most of the time it is as a result of women attempting to lead, having unreasonable expectations, having no emotional self-control. I offer you this advice: take back your identity, brothers.
You are called to be warriors. Do it. Honor has never been automatically ascribed, but I believe it is harder to earn now than it has ever been. I believe that one of the enemy's strategies over the last couple hundred years is to destroy Christ's representation of Him on earth. You are the head as Christ is the head of the church. Decapitate the body and there is no life. Women delight in following godly men. Be that man and you will find your lady.
How? Yes, I have some practical points of advice for you as well. They will not be as extensive, as I am not a man. I hope that there are godly, womanly-wise men being just as harsh on you as I just was on my own sex.
Attention and affection: WE NEED IT just like you need honor and respect. I am telling you to take your girl on elaborate dates every weekend, but she needs to know she is cherished, that she is important, that you want to care for her. We like being told we are beautiful. Notice us. Romance us. Pursue us ... even after you have won us. Step up to the plate and be the MAN you were created to be. Take care of us. Shoulder responsibility. If you cannot do that, you do not need to be in a relationship.
If you have not found her yet ... do not stop. I cannot imagine how frightening it must be to be the godly guy... I am honored to call brothers the ones I have seen do things right. Those of you still trying ... keep trying.
We have often heard the phrase "it's give and take." I think that is wrong. It is give and give. Each have your own needs. There is no shame in making them known. How are we supposed to know otherwise? The catch is making sure that those needs are legitimate and not wants based on what media, culture and our own selfish hearts tell us. Love with expectation ... realistic expecation.
Again, I am no expert. I am single ... but I think I am right.
In recent years I have wrested with the question of where to draw the line between unconditional love and allowing someone to walk all over me. In any relationship under the sun there will be a level of expectation. General morality is expected of the human race (even though we live in a world that insists there is no absolute truth). Common courtesy is expected from a stranger on the street. Responsible driving is expected of cab drivers. Good customer service is expected of retail employees. Love is expected of husbands, honor of wives.
Is it wrong to have expectations? More aptly, is it wrong to have expectations in relationships? Even further, is it wrong to have expectations in romantic relationships?
My heart answers no. Moreover, I believe I my thoughts are affirmed by Scripture.
Obviously we are not to enable sin. Scripture is full of admonishments for righteous living. Granted that is an expectation that God has of human beings. Still, children are called to obey their parents. Wives are called to have a gentle and quiet spirit. Husbands are admonished to love their wives as Christ loved the church. If God has those expectations are we not supposed to as well? I believe we should love with some level of expectation. However, I do not believe our love should be contingent upon whether or not expectations are met.
The danger is unrealistic expectation. I have been in and watched relationships that become very strained and even break because of expectations that are not rational. I claim no expertise in any subject. However, as an natural head in the clouds kind of girl who forces herself to keep her feet firmly affixed to the earth (most of the time) whom God has seen fit to put through rather interesting circumstances, I do believe I have a healthier view of the neccessary marriage of romance and practicality than most of my peers. So, I have some advice to offer. Stop reading now if you do not want it.
I will start with the ladies as we started it by emasculating men. Allow me to first assure my readers that I am not some weak woman who lets men walk all over me. I have a career. I am strong. I have opinions and my voice is heard! There is a place for that, even believing, as I do, that men are to be the head in a relationship.
First, at the risk of sounding extremely hard on my own sex, to the ladies STOP BEING DEMANDING, SPOILED LITTLE PRINCESSES SO FOCUSED ON WHAT YOU WANT YOU CANNOT SEE WHAT HE NEEDS. I read romance novels. I like them. They are my guilty pleasure. They make me happy. They should come with a warning lable: "do not read if you cannot leave the fiction between the pages." News flash girls: prince charming doesn't exist in the real world. Your man is not going to be perfect. He is not going to be this profound spiritual leader as a twenty-something. He likes video games, chillin with the guys and FREEDOM. That does not mean he does not like you. Do not expect him to be your dad. If you have an incredibly romantic father, one who communicates well with your mother, a bastion of spiritual strength and integrity, ask your mom if he was like that when they were dating. I will bet she will say no. My father (affectionately known as Superman by me) was not. He is now. Realistic expectations, girls. He is in his twenties. Do not seek to kill the boy in him
Think of him as a dog. (Bear with me guys.) How do you truly domesticate a dog? Um, yeah. Do you really want to do that to your man? No!!! Let him be wild! Tame is boring. Domesticated means that you are the master. That is so not the plan that the Father laid out. If you respect an animal, feed it, give it affection, it will learn to trust you. Granted a wild animal will always be free to come and go as it pleases without so much as a by your leave, so it's not a perfect metaphor, because (guys) in marriage coming and going without so much as a by your leave is not fine, but do you get the point? Just as it must be a wild thing's choice to come to a human, so it must be the man's choice to come to a woman. Let them be free. Even in marriage freedom to maintain that masculinity needs to be there, though not abused.
That freedom offered will not be abused if both people meet one another with one hundred percent. Girls, if the things that men crave, respect, admiration, and love are given, he will always return to you. And he will be faithful to you. (Unless he is a complete sociopath or ... a dog. :) Trust your daddies to keep you away from those.)
Are we clear? Knights in shinning armor spend no time on the battlefield. You want a man who is willing to get his armor muddy. A man that will bleed. The type of man most girls tell me they want sound horrifying to me. The nineteenth century had a term for them: fops. *shudder* They are the men you see pcitures of in high heels wearing powdered wigs and sniffing tobacco out of snuff boxes. Put that guy next to a warrior dripping blood off his claymore. Which one do you want? If you want the former go pick a spineless idiot that wants to get married solely so he can have sex and does not care about companionship, building a life together. No no, you want a man that will fight for what he wants, and that is, well, the one wearing the pants (... or kilt with blue warpaint ... if you're me). Oh, and just so we are clear, that warrior we really want? He fought so well and so vailiantly because he had something worth fighting for. Let us be blunt: he cares about sex too, but he is not a selfish epicurian. He cares about the nonphysical pleasures as well.
Secondly, if you are the type of girl that reads nothing but Christian romance novels please do us all a favor and take a look at reality. The kind, gentle man that has a wound only you (with the help of a well placed sermon) can heal is a myth jsut as much as the guys in romantic comedies. He does not know how to read you and know exactly what you need. Obvious hints do not work with them. Sometimes you have to spell it out. There is nothing wrong with saying, "babe, I need to hear something sweet. I am feeling a little vulnerable." They are not mind readers.
Men think they are so uncomplicated. They are not. They are so complex YOU CANNOT AND WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIX THEM. You can be their life's best companion. You can help them. You can be the balm that soothes them. You can be the tool the Spirit uses to comfort and sustain them. You cannot fix them. And do not be offended if they need to talk things over with their guys. That is a good thing. Accountability and deep masculine friendships are important. (David and Jonathan ring any bells? John and Jesus? Yeah...) Men are sometimes more deeply emotional than women. That is so precious, and they will share that part with you, but it will take time. There will be no trigger that flips and all of a sudden he will bare his soul to you. That trust is earned. Be patient. It will be worth it.
Be willing to wait. All throughout the Bible we see woman waiting for their men. The church waits for her bridegroom, and we are to follow suit. I know girls, we long for marriage, love, knowing that he will be there until death. It is especially hard for the godly girls who want to take their rightful place under the protection of their husband. I know it is hard. I was raised thinking I would go from my father's household to my husbands, but life (especially in this wonderfully postmodern century we live in) happens. I had to move away, get a job, be independant. A part of me really enjoys it and likes it, but it does not content my soul. I know it is hard to wait. But that is what we are called to do. Doesn't fourty years with God's best sound better than fifty-five with a man you are only OK with? Do you really want your husband to resent you for pushing you into a responsibility that he is not ready for? Think about all the pressure on godly men! They are to be our shield, our protector, the head of a next godly household, the provider. It is harder than it used to be. There are so many more variables. Be patient. Wait. Content yourself in He who created us to be not spoiled, demanding princesses, but gracious, unselfish daughters of the High King of Heaven.
Lastly, do not let yourself go. Daddy drilled many things into his daughters. One thing that has always stuck with me is "be an after, stay an after." He is referencing before and after shots. Girls lose a ton of weight before their wedding, dress up for dates, look their best whenever they are with their man. For some reason that stops after you have a shiny ring on your hand? No! Do you always have to look perfect? That would be an unrealistic expectation. But you can care. Do not let yourself go. At one point my mom had four kids under the age of six: twins (one handicapped), a one year old and an infant. Unless she was doing housework she looked nice, wore make-up and jewelry, and yes, she shaved her legs every night. Go Mom! Dad adores her to this day. It's not superficial, ladies. Guys are wired that way. Take it up with God if it irritates you.
Men ... Oh how you have been wronged, my brothers. I look around and see the damaget that has been wrought on your sex. You are robbed of your identity, my brothers. I know this. I listen to the men I regard as brothers of my heart pour out stories of hurt and confusion. Most of the time it is as a result of women attempting to lead, having unreasonable expectations, having no emotional self-control. I offer you this advice: take back your identity, brothers.
You are called to be warriors. Do it. Honor has never been automatically ascribed, but I believe it is harder to earn now than it has ever been. I believe that one of the enemy's strategies over the last couple hundred years is to destroy Christ's representation of Him on earth. You are the head as Christ is the head of the church. Decapitate the body and there is no life. Women delight in following godly men. Be that man and you will find your lady.
How? Yes, I have some practical points of advice for you as well. They will not be as extensive, as I am not a man. I hope that there are godly, womanly-wise men being just as harsh on you as I just was on my own sex.
Attention and affection: WE NEED IT just like you need honor and respect. I am telling you to take your girl on elaborate dates every weekend, but she needs to know she is cherished, that she is important, that you want to care for her. We like being told we are beautiful. Notice us. Romance us. Pursue us ... even after you have won us. Step up to the plate and be the MAN you were created to be. Take care of us. Shoulder responsibility. If you cannot do that, you do not need to be in a relationship.
If you have not found her yet ... do not stop. I cannot imagine how frightening it must be to be the godly guy... I am honored to call brothers the ones I have seen do things right. Those of you still trying ... keep trying.
We have often heard the phrase "it's give and take." I think that is wrong. It is give and give. Each have your own needs. There is no shame in making them known. How are we supposed to know otherwise? The catch is making sure that those needs are legitimate and not wants based on what media, culture and our own selfish hearts tell us. Love with expectation ... realistic expecation.
Again, I am no expert. I am single ... but I think I am right.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
When to raise the hand...
It has been said that we live in one of the most violent ages of human history. Is this so? Is it instead that voilence extends from localized brutality and warfare and enters global consciousness. What makes now any more violent thousands of years before the birth of Christ when God had to wipe clean of human existence the face of this earth? When the Roman empire's people lusted for blood so much that games were made of human being ripped upen and made into human torches was this mortal coil any less sullied? This world has always been filled with filth, violence and hate. It is now merely being played out on a different stage. Are Christians called to stand in the wings and watch or to become principle players for light in the sordid drama taking place?
Where is the balance between righteous anger and murderous rage? Where do godly people draw the line between martyrdom and cowardice? Are we truly called to stand by and watch this world tear itself to pieces? I claim no expertice in philosophy or theology or even Scripture. But this is what I do know.
Christians are called to love their enemies, to turn the other cheek. We are called to love and not to hate; this is indeed one of the founding principles of our faith. These seem to me matters of relationship. If someone attacks a Christian for being a Christian he will not grab an Uzi to go off and hunt him down. But are we called not to defend ourselves? Scripture says that if a woman does not cry out when she is raped it is upon her own head. All throughout the Bible the Warrior God sends His people to destory wickedness in His name. Many say that is Old Testament. Is God not the same yesterday, today and forever? That savage and just side of God is still a part of His character post Cross.
Was Bonhoeffer wrong to attempt to assassinate Hitler? We are told to render unto Caesar what is Caesar's, but this was no civil controversy. The man was systematically wiping out entire people groups. His evil was founded in hatred. Would guilty blood truly been on his hands had he succeeded, or would he have been rewarded for, in righteous anger (not personal hatred) taking up a sword against evil? Hitler's evil would have died with him.
Should then Christian begin bombing abortion clinics? No. Do I believe them carefully sterilized slaughterhouses? Of course. But murdering abortion doctors will not cease the evil of abortion. The evil will not die with the deaths of those men and women.
So what do we do? Strife in the Middle East will never cease until this world ends. Does this mean we should accept defeat as a foregone conclusion and hoe-hum our way through our comfortable, relatively safe from invasion lives? That sounds to me like hyper-Calvinism, those Christians who do not bother to share their faith with others, who even perhaps do not care how their lives appear to others because what will be will be. They completely ignore the command of Jesus to go share with all nations and to visit the orphans and widows in their affliction. I as a Calvanist know that God's will is sovereign, and indeed what will be will be, but there is room for free will and obedience within the sovereign will of God. I cannot claim to understand how it works, but I have a life to act out on this Earth. I have a responsibility to live each day well and with the reminder that I have a blood debt owed to God.
Which best serves Him? To stand in the wings watching the attrocities of this world? To pray and lift nary a finger? Or take take action agains the sea of troubles this world writhes in?
Where is the balance between righteous anger and murderous rage? Where do godly people draw the line between martyrdom and cowardice? Are we truly called to stand by and watch this world tear itself to pieces? I claim no expertice in philosophy or theology or even Scripture. But this is what I do know.
Christians are called to love their enemies, to turn the other cheek. We are called to love and not to hate; this is indeed one of the founding principles of our faith. These seem to me matters of relationship. If someone attacks a Christian for being a Christian he will not grab an Uzi to go off and hunt him down. But are we called not to defend ourselves? Scripture says that if a woman does not cry out when she is raped it is upon her own head. All throughout the Bible the Warrior God sends His people to destory wickedness in His name. Many say that is Old Testament. Is God not the same yesterday, today and forever? That savage and just side of God is still a part of His character post Cross.
Was Bonhoeffer wrong to attempt to assassinate Hitler? We are told to render unto Caesar what is Caesar's, but this was no civil controversy. The man was systematically wiping out entire people groups. His evil was founded in hatred. Would guilty blood truly been on his hands had he succeeded, or would he have been rewarded for, in righteous anger (not personal hatred) taking up a sword against evil? Hitler's evil would have died with him.
Should then Christian begin bombing abortion clinics? No. Do I believe them carefully sterilized slaughterhouses? Of course. But murdering abortion doctors will not cease the evil of abortion. The evil will not die with the deaths of those men and women.
So what do we do? Strife in the Middle East will never cease until this world ends. Does this mean we should accept defeat as a foregone conclusion and hoe-hum our way through our comfortable, relatively safe from invasion lives? That sounds to me like hyper-Calvinism, those Christians who do not bother to share their faith with others, who even perhaps do not care how their lives appear to others because what will be will be. They completely ignore the command of Jesus to go share with all nations and to visit the orphans and widows in their affliction. I as a Calvanist know that God's will is sovereign, and indeed what will be will be, but there is room for free will and obedience within the sovereign will of God. I cannot claim to understand how it works, but I have a life to act out on this Earth. I have a responsibility to live each day well and with the reminder that I have a blood debt owed to God.
Which best serves Him? To stand in the wings watching the attrocities of this world? To pray and lift nary a finger? Or take take action agains the sea of troubles this world writhes in?
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